When I was a little girl I would pray fervently, as I still do today. As early as I can recall (and I have some pretty early memories going as far back as 3 years of age) I loved God deeply... And I knew he loved me too.
I grew up a Catholic and my family worshipped at Holy Family Basilica, smack in the middle of the Nairobi CBD. I was in awe of the Church and loved Sunday service. But every Sunday I would watch and then pray, even more fervently, about two particular things...
First, I would pray, "Dear Lord, please never, ever, ever let me breastfeed in public!" Of course as a young girl I would see mothers in and around the Church who were breastfeeding and at that self conscious age I thought is was quite humiliating!
The second thing I would pray about was based on something a beloved Nun at my school Loreto Convent Msongari told us... "The Lord may call you to serve Him so be ready to heed His call." I thought that meant he would call us to be Nuns. I really, really didn't want to be a Nun so I would pray, "Please, please Lord don't choose me. There are so many other amazing people, please choose one of them!"
But they say the Lord laughs as we make our plans... He must have laughed heartily at my passionate, naive prayers.
When I had my first child close to twelve years ago, all protocol was out the window immediately. My priority was feeding my child. While in public I would try to be subtle and graceful about it, but I really did not care where I was or who was in the vicinity if I needed to feed my hungry child. I would just go ahead and do it. And I must say the experience of breastfeeding and bonding with all my children has been one of the greatest joys of my life.
Prayer number one not answered and I am the better for it.
On to prayer number two. All my life I have read the Bible with a thirst for knowledge and understanding. All my life I have sought to understand the will of God and to please Him. When I was that young girl trying to avoid the work of service, I did not realize that the blessed seed was already planted in me and that we can serve Him in every aspect of our lives at every moment. I did not have to become a nun to be called. I am honored each and every day to serve and worship our Lord.
Prayer number two not answered and I am the better for it.
You may be praying for something with all the passion and conviction in the world, believing that it is right for you, but He knows better.
Sometimes we just need to say,
"Lord, today I leave all matters in your great hands.
You will determine my path.
For you alone are God and I have absolute faith that you only want the best for me."